Big Let Down

It has been way too long since I have written a post for the blog. I have many excuses for that, but it doesn't really matter. I'm just going to start playing catch up.... not in the order that events occurred. I'm going to start with yesterday.

I had my clinic appointment at Vanderbilt yesterday, and I went into the appointment feeling great. I just wanted my numbers to improve from February. I'm still trying to get them back to where they were before I got the flu in December. I thought for sure my lung function would be at least slightly better. In February, I was at 50%. On my first attempt, it said 44%. I just stared at the screen dumbfounded. That couldn't be right.... there's no way it went down! At that point, I was just angry, so I went into the second attempt with all the effort I could muster up. 47%.... I was not happy at all. I tried again.... 47% once more. The respiratory therapist asked if I wanted to try again, and being the stubborn person that I am, I of course wanted another chance to make the numbers get to where I wanted them. I put everything into it, and..... 47%.

I couldn't believe it. Why was my lung function down??? I was feeling so good, and I was incredibly frustrated at this point. All of the sudden, I burst into tears. Now, if you know me, you know that I don't cry in public. I don't like people to see me cry, and I don't like people knowing that I'm in pain. It took me a minute, but I pulled it together and went through the rest of the appointment without any more break downs. My doctor decided that I need to do oral antibiotics for two weeks with a follow-up PFT in Knoxville when I'm finished.


After that, I had a really difficult time cheering up and getting back to the positive attitude I try to maintain. I started thinking about things that I normally do a really good job at not thinking about. Some of the possibilities for my future scare me, and those thoughts just kept playing in my head. Working so hard and struggling to get my lung function back after having the flu makes me worry about what it will be like as I get older. After an evening of freaking out, I have banished those thoughts and have turned my attention to getting better. Now that school is out for summer, I have much more time to spend on my health. I'll be doing extra breathing treatments and steering clear of stress. :)

Other updates from my clinic appointment include the fact that I have once again lost weight. I lost 5 pounds, and I am now down to 108 lb. I also had the privilege of doing my yearly glucose tolerance test which I still don't have the results of. Looks like my summer is going to be filled with breathing treatments, exercise, and eating a ton of food. We shall see how it goes!