Thursday, March 17, 2011

My Biggest CF Frustration

This post doesn't have much to it, but it is something that has been weighing on my heart and dragging me down lately. Ever since I made the decision to really start fighting Cystic Fibrosis, I have been looking more towards the future and what God might have in store for me. Now, normally, this is an uplifting, inspiring thing for me. I envision teaching in my own classroom, having a child with Eldon, and living life to the fullest. It makes me want to fight even more for those high PFT numbers that seem so out of reach right now.

The problem comes when I start seeing the negative side of the fight. (Before you get too worried, this is not a post about dying. I'm not feeling that blue at the moment.) My greatest frustration caused by Cystic Fibrosis (at least right now) is the fact that no matter how hard I fight, I can never stop fighting. When I make it to my goal, there is no break. I have to keep fighting non-stop or my lung function will go right back down. Then, that takes away what I was working for in the first place. What's more? Even if I keep fighting without faltering even a tiny bit, my numbers will go down eventually. That's the nature of the beast, and it is one of the worst parts of the disease for me. It's times like these that it is hard to motivate myself to continue the fight when I see I'm on the losing side.

It's also times like these that I appreciate everything that I have so much more. I look at my life and see the reasons to continue fighting. I am marrying my best friend in 72 days! I have amazing family and friends, and all of those people make my life worth fighting for!

Just look at all of those people, and there are so many more important people in my life! God has really blessed me with the perfect team to help me fight as long and as hard as I can!

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