Immature Choices

I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that during college, I slacked off when it came to taking care of myself and taking my medications. I think that "slacked off" might be the light way of putting things. The truth is, there were many times that I did nothing at all--no treatments and very little exercise (just enough to walk from class to class). The question quickly arises--Why? Why would I want to screw up the good health that I had?

I was full of reasons for what I was doing, but as I sit here and write this, I see how silly some were. Here is a list of reasons/excuses for not taking care of myself:

1. Lack of motivation- It is really difficult to motivate yourself to constantly work at something and see what you think is no result. It is hard to wrap your mind around no improvement being a good thing. When I work at something, I want to improve... kind of like, practice makes perfect.

2. Lack of time- I was in college, and my time was already spoken for. I was a Young Life Leader, I had school and work, and I had friends to hang out with. Who wants to sit at home when your friends are taking a 2 1/2 - 3 hour drive to Jackson, TN just to get some sushi? I know I didn't! (That was my freshman year of college.)

3. Control- I was still in the mindset that if I want to live life without Cystic Fibrosis controlling me, I have to ignore it. If I am constantly missing out on things because of my treatments, I am letting them control me.

4. Hiding- I was still hiding my CF from a lot of the people that I knew. I thought that it would scare people away, and I wanted to find a group of friends so badly that I was not willing to take the chance. If I was always in my dorm room doing treatments, my new friends would start to notice. At the time, it didn't seem like it would be worth the trouble.

5. Independence- This was my first time away from my parents, and while my parents are great and supportive, I had gotten a little sick of them telling me to do my treatments and checking to make sure I actually did them. This was my form of rebellion. I never got into partying and drinking.... just stopped taking care of myself like I should.

There are probably others that I haven't even thought about, but just from those you can see that I was very emotionally driven in my choices. I was immature, and I acted without thinking about the consequences.

Do I regret my choices? Yes and no. I do because of the major hit my health took during my college years. Lung transplant scares really put things into perspective. I don't regret it because if I had not done that, I might not have ever learned the real importance of keeping up with my treatments. Also, when someone with Cystic Fibrosis who is in high school or college asks me advice about treatments and having a life, I can offer some pretty good reasons to stick with it no matter how awful it seems. Plus, now I see more than ever the reasons to be compliant with my treatments! Like I said, it's all about perspective.