Down but Not Out

Today has been quite the emotional roller coaster. If you have been following my posts, you know that I have been working extremely hard to take control of my health. I went into today's clinic appointment knowing that my lung function probably wasn't going to improve, but my hope was that I would maintain the 47% that I reached three months ago. Unfortunately, my lungs had other plans. My lung function today dropped 4% to 43%.

My initial reaction was total frustration, and I had trouble keeping back the tears. I have worked so hard the past six months, and it is so hard to not see it pay off in the numbers. Just like I mentioned in my last post, I keep reminding myself that it's truly how I feel that matters.

When the doctor came in, we discussed how I've been feeling congested and how the weather changes seem to make it worse. She was concerned about the drop in lung function and asked a lot of questions about how I've been feeling, how I've been doing with my treatments, and how I'm doing all that I'm doing and still having time to sleep at night. After all of that, she decided to put me on an antibiotic for two weeks. I'll be doing a follow up PFT the week after Christmas. If we don't see some positive movement, I will probably have to get a PICC line. It's been two years since I've had to be on IV antibiotics, and I am not a fan. You better believe that I will be doing everything in my power these next few weeks to knock this in the butt.

Something that my doctor said today, really stuck with me though. She was telling me not to get too frustrated and not to let this stop all of my hard work. She pointed out that this is the nature of cystic fibrosis. You can do everything right, but sometimes, the bacteria growing in your lungs gets a little out of control, and we have to do something to push it back down. CF is a disease that does not care how hard you are working or how much you want to see improvement. It's unfair, and it's difficult, but it's the card I have been dealt. So that is where I am at right now. I'm working to push my bacteria back down so that my hard work can start showing again.

I have faith that this will work and that things will start looking up again. All I know is that I'm not giving up, and I am going to be pushing myself even harder.

Apprehensions

As many of you know, I have been working incredibly hard to improve my lung function and overall health. I have been 100% compliant with my breathing treatments for 341 days now. I have been working out with my trainer since the end of June, and I feel stronger than I ever have before. So you would think that I would be feeling confident and ready for my clinic appointment coming up this Wednesday. Right?

Wrong. I am apprehensive going into my appointment due to the fact that I have been congested so long. Once the weather began turning, it was like my lungs and nose decided to stop functioning the way they should. I keep reminding myself that it doesn't really matter what the numbers say... What really matters, is how I feel. The problem is, I really do care what the numbers are, because I have been working so hard to improve them. Even though I'm feeling pretty great, and I am able to do things in the gym that I never even imagined myself doing, I can't help but feel frustrated by the idea of not seeing improvement in my lung function.

As there is nothing more I can do about this issue, I will just pray about it and try to have positive thoughts. Only two more days to worry about this. And more importantly, only 24 more days until I reach my goal of being 100% compliant for a full year! Now that is something to look forward to! :)